Every Cherry That Falls Deserves to Die

There is an old hospital in the city where doctors and nurses go to train. Once a year a batch of new wanna-bee doctors come in and work as clinical clerks vying for graduation after twelve months.
During the first two days of the clinical clerks’ internship, a certain medical student was not feeling so well. She had cough and a cold yet despite her ordeal she followed the residents’ instructions. By the third day, she was left to do patient monitoring by herself. With her deteriorating health, she failed to monitor one patient’s hospital status. She woke up late that morning and by the time she got to the wards the resident on duty was pissed.
“Do you have any ideal what you’re doing? If you’re not ready for this, then quit! Well? Were you not prepared for this?!”
The clinical clerk was nothing but apologetic. But, this place had no room for apologies. In this place people walked the thin line between life and death and everything else only mattered to sustain life and avoid death.
“Sorry doc, it’s my first time to miss monitoring. I’m not feeling well.”
“Every cherry that falls deserves to die!”
With this, the resident stomped out of the wards.

- Dream over –

How time flies. Three years of medical school academics is finally over and internship is just around the bend. This is precisely why my body clock has switched on the anxiety button and here I am dreaming about possible scenarios and outcomes.
I guess I feel like that cherry. I fell one time during medical school when I failed to perform my best and it seems as if I deserve die.
Do I really belong in this place? Am I ready for this? I remember all the exams I flunked and all the data I couldn’t squeeze into my brain. I have such great classmates. Some even got perfect scores in our comprehensive exams. I guess these people would really make fine doctors. Our school gives premium to academic standing because we belong to the top five medical schools in the country.
It’s sad that in this charade I sense that I am losing myself again. I think its basically helplessness and regret for not studying more or reading more or doing something more.
My only hope that despite all this fear and regret is that everything will be alright and that in the midst of my limitations, I may still be able to have that great opportunity to save lives instead of being a liability in the hospital.